Rachel's Blue by Zakes Mda

Author:Zakes Mda
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780795706820
Publisher: Kwela
Published: 2014-08-07T16:00:00+00:00

Dylan Holton tells her she is lucky her case is proceeding after only six months. Normally cases are not on the roll for up to nine months. But to Rachel the six months was like a lifetime of torture – what with the dead weight in her belly and the load of impending doom on her shoulders and the woozy state she finds herself in almost every morning and the shame of a random hook-up and the embarrassment of her financial crisis. She has had no income since she stopped busking. She has to ask for gas money from Nana Moira. And for sanitary pad money. She continues to buy them every month at the time she estimates she would be having her period. She was never one for tampons. She buys pads because she knows that as soon as the dead weight decides to vacate her body, rivers of blood will flow. And she’d better be ready.

Nana Moira also feeds her drinking habit, though she is not aware that’s what she does with the money she gives her. She cannot deny her granddaughter a few dollars because Rachel used to share her money liberally when she still had some. However, Nana Moira’s meagre contribution cannot quench her thirst. Occasionally she gets wasted and stoned, paid for by a random hook-up. These men will poke the dead weight out of her body. They will hasten its departure, and she will be normal again.

Rachel is highly hungover as she sits on the bench near the door of Judge Stonebrook’s court. She tries very hard to ignore the ache that wants to split her head into two. She closes her eyes and takes a drink from a water bottle. If only Schuyler were here. But she knows she won’t be. She has her own things to attend to too. She said so last night when they were at the Skull.

Last night. She does not want to think about last night. She was raped by Jason. It was only a flashback but it was as real as if he was raping her again. It was after they had been joking about the case that would resume the next day and Schuyler was berating her for her cowardice in not going through with the abortion. She obviously wanted to be tethered to Jason for the rest of her life, Schuyler said.

It began with the smell. A whiff of Old Spice from one of the brawny guys who rubbed against her when he was passing. The scent overwhelmed her and she couldn’t breathe. And then the rape happened. Right there at the bar counter, surrounded by all those bikers and their tatted-out biker-bitches – as the ladies call themselves. It was a replay of her experience at the Centre in every aspect. Even details she thought she had forgotten. She screamed for help. She was rolling on the floor at the feet of the bikers screaming as if in pain. Schuyler and a biker-bitch helped her to her feet and tried to calm her down.

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